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After reading someone's blog, I began wondering.

Have I been a good friend? I don't know this for sure because it's not up to me to judge where I stand. However, it seems like many people don't think that I am a good friend. Some see me more of a big brother, literally, rather than a friend. Most of the time, I can't see the clear division between these two.

I think that people don't like me as a friend is due to a few reasons.

1. I criticise very harshly. Sometimes I want to be smart and funny, but often the words that comes out from my mouth are harsh and hurtful.

2. I am antisocial. Well, that is what I think I am. I prefer to be myself rather than going around and saying empty nothings to people. I do things by myself, I dislike interferances and also I can't seem to agree to others suggestions openly. I don't know what to do or say to people, because I don't share a lot of things with them.

3. I am not the person who forgives people easily. When I am offended, rarely I will retaliate. Why? because, I know that there is no way that I can win, because when people offend others, they bring up of all the bad things you do and never the good. I have done a lot of bad things. So, I ignore them, not just during the conversation, but for days. And after I have cooled down, I dunno how to rebuild the relationship. Often, I will leave it as it is, and let the opposite party to fix it.

4. I dont stay friends with people for a long time. With a few exceptions, a lot of times, I have good friends, whom I would say so myself, however during the course of our friendship, there is bound to be rocky surfaces. Most of the time, it will bring me back to No.3.

5. I do not leave a deep impact on them. Whatever I do with/to them, is often minor, and i do not develop the relationship further. So they will soon forget about it, and consider me as just another person in the same room.

I also notice that people tend to see me as a big brother rather than a friend. I don't know how I come up with that, but that's what I think. People come to me for advise, help and everything. However, never stick with me to be friends and all, they have their own clique of friends. Whereas I, only have these few friends who i can talk to.

Anyway, hopefully this will all change when I go into college. I will change and be more proactive. I want to have a larger friendship circle, I want people to know me. There's nothing that I can do to patch up my situatin right now. And also, going into social ballroom dancing, hope I can learn a thing or two about socialising...