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i have decided to upload the post which i removed 2 weeks ago. Since it was kinda harsh at some manner, i have decided to censor a lot of parts which appears hurtful, so here it goes...

6 April 2009

I am really troubled now. Because i once had a discussion about how I will show my dislike to someone or something. and I said i would just ignore or go the silent treatment. And then someone told me that If it did happen to that person, I should tell that person.

so right now, i am kind of at split ends because this person never actually told me to say that. Okay, to make it easier, let's denote this person as a you. Okay, so you are being an ass. why? because when i say something, that is like when i said something like supposed to be kind of a joke, you always had a thing or two to rebutt and taking what i said to heart. I know i said before that "I don't want to be taken as a joke", I also don't mean to say that "everything I say I mean it from the bottom of my heart". Seriously, after a month or two having me around, you should've known what i was like. I understand that sometimes that I can go way out of line, I have learned to pull myself back. It's not I don't try being a better friend, it's that I have differing committments than you. You have other commitments, I don't go around saying that you are trying to get away with stuff and that you kind of distancing yourself from me. When i plan some stuff, and people cannot make it, I settle with things and cancel the plan.(ya, i'm accomodating in terms of PW) I don't go around accusing people of trying to getting away from things. And when i speak, you give that look. and when i say you gave that look, again more things you have to say. Seriously, this is kind of getting to the point of what _________ do, they defend their reputation, not accepting things as they are. When you talk, I listen, i don't give looks. I respond to what you say, i don't ignore. When you want things to go your way, I give in. because afterall friendship is about giving and definitely, there should be some taking. but there has to be a balance for both. i don't wish to say all these during peer conference, because i don't want to humiliate you, don't wish to make a fool of myself. So I am going to tell you this.

and you have to get this straight, when people talk, they talk halfway. you have to make your own inference. stop saying what ever leaving me hanging. because people don't wish to carry on because
1) it's embarrassing
2) it's hard to describe
3) it will be better you know that much
4) oops, I said something that i shouldnt say
5) go figure out

I have 2 sides of me. there is the good me, the bad me. In real life, I don't like to criticise or gossip, or rumour or whatever you do. Why? because i just don't like the taste of it in my mouth. and in my blog, i don't usually criticise people or gossip/rumour/what ever you guys do individually, I take on a group of people. call me a hypocrite or what else, but that's me. Again, i am not saying all the things i've posted here to you directly. why
1) i don't like the taste of it
2) when i say, you will have to say something else
3) I don't what to hurt people directly in their faces
But, if you want me to say it to you, tell me, and I will definitely say all the mean things i have to say. Let me finish, before you rebutt. After all this is just my opinions of you in the first 2 months, I can't say that you have been that way all along. So just take note of what I say, and there is no need to be insulted by what i say because again, i don't know who you are as a person yet, all the while i judge you maybe because of your accomodation process, so now that you know what i feel about your behavior, you can think about it.

XOXO
T